The Producers
by Raggedy Doctor
Summary: Alfred's faith in Hollywood is at an all time low and on top of that everybody wants money from him! He's all but given up until a visit from his not so long lost twin brother shakes his foundations. first Musical Chapter: Yes We Can, up
1. I Used to be the King

Hetalia not mine, Producers also not mine.

LINE

Alfred couldn't understand it. He used to be the KING. Everybody wanted to see his shows! Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jaws, King Kong, Jurassic Park, all of the Disney cartoons! Everyone flocked to see his movies, other countries couldn't get enough. But now... now he was a joke! People laughed, LAUGHED at Cinderella Four and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Seniors. No one appreciated his films. They would say the heart of the American film industry had dissolved into any semi-good book or doable sequel that Hollywood could get its hands on.

"This is the eighth flop this year," Alfred cried. Manos the Hands of Fate 2: the Rise of Torgo had been a disaster.

"I'm finished," he mourned, "I'm done." He fell onto his leather couch crying pitifully to himself. Not only did no one like his movies, but everyone was after money! There was a knock on his door. Sadly America rose making his way through the empty burger wrappers and paper airplanes to the door opening it carefully, the last time he had opened it he got a punch in the face and a letter demanding five billion dollars.

Opening the door he thought for a moment that a mirror had been placed in front of him. A man (country) the same height with the same face stood at the door way looking extremely awkward. The only difference between them was that the other man had violet eyes and his hair style was dumb and vaguely French.

"Alfred?"

"Who are you?"

The man glared at him, "It's me, Matthew, your brother, your TWIN brother!"

Alfred gasped in shock, "Wow! This is just like in the movies! A long lost twin brother has come seeking me and together our fortune will turn toward the better! This is great! Come in! Come in!" He said dragging his long lost twin brother into the room.

"What? What are you doing Alfred? I'm not your long lost twin brother! I'm the brother that lives above you! I was going to ask you about the global financial--"

Alfred stopped and pushed Matthew onto the couch he squinted at him, "Who are you... who are you really? Insurance claimer? Bookie? Are you here to break my legs!?!" at this Alfred grabbed Matthew by his jacket, "Well it won't work!! I'll break your legs first!"

"AH! ALFRED!" Matthew cried trying to struggle his way out of the other man's grip, "It's Matthew—CANADA--Let go!"

Alfred let go and stepped back for a moment, "Matthew... Matthew... Matthew... Oh...ohhh THAT Matthew." Alfred sighed in disappointment, "Just when I thought things were looking up." He mourned. Glancing back at his guest he noticed Matthew was still cowering at the far end of the couch hugging a bear to his chest like a life preserver. The little bear looked confused.

"What's that? You still got that thing?" Alfred grabbed the bear and studied it, it studied him back with a blank look, "Seriously man you really need to free this thing into the wild or some...thing..." He looked back at Canada who was going red in the face.

"Who?" The bear blinked.

"MY BEAR!!"

"Um..."

"MY POLAR BEAR GIVE HIM BACK GIVE ME BACK MY BEAR I WANT MY BEAR BACK!!"

"Just... just calm down now!"

"GIVE ME BACK MY BEAR!!!!"

"Okay, okay," He quickly handed back the bear which Matthew hugged to his chest tightly every so often giving the American a vicious glare.

"It's just... I don't like anyone else touching Kumajiro, it's a minor compulsion, I can deal with it if I want to and I don't want to. He likes living with me, I feed him, so... so just... don't touch him." He breathed heavily on the couch as Alfred retreated to the other side of the room and as far away from him as possible.

"They find me, I don't know how, but they always find me," Alfred muttered to himself.

"I'm... I'm sorry Alfred," Matthew apologised as he stroked the confused bear's head.

"No, no, it's fine, everyone else is yelling at me anyways, what's the difference if you come in and do the same huh?" Alfred sulked, "Why are you here anyways?"

"The Global Financial Crisis, remember? Arthur sent me here to look at your books." Alfred groaned.

"Ugh, what's the use? Look away. I'm done for anyways." Matthew got up and went to the messy desk while Alfred took his place lying on the couch.

"Why so depressed?" Matthew asked pulling out the out of order financial reports, "Um... pardon the pun... you're usually so optimistic about everything."

"The Dream Matt! The dream is over!" Alfred languished on the couch putting his arm over his face in anguish.

Matthew gasped, "The American dream? Land of the free home of the brave, apple pie, um... capitalism? That dream?"

Alfred peeked out from behind his arm giving his brother a stern look, "No dummy, the silver screen, Hollywood, the Stars! Real stars like Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood and Fay Wray. Where have they gone? No one wants to watch my movies anymore! They think they're dumb and uninspired. They'd rather watch films from New Zealand and Japan! On top of that its draining my wallet dry!"

Matthew rolled his eyes, "Really Hollywood is the least of your problems, look at your housing, and your loans, Alfred how are you going to make back enough money to pay Yao off?"

"I don't know... maybe I'll sell Alaska, that's got to be worth at least 3 cents per acre by now..."

Matthew sighed, "If only you could make more money with a flop than with a hit you'd be rolling in dough eh?"

"Yeah... that would be... wait... wait!" Alfred leapt to his feet with a burst of energy, "What did you say? Say that again!"

"You're not going to make fun of my 'eh' are you, because it really isn't funny anymore."

"No, no! The other part, the first part! Say it again!"

Matthew stared at him for a long moment probably debating in his mind whether or not his brother was still sane

"I said if only you could make more money with a flop than with a hit you'd be rich, but Alfred I was just kidding, you can't make more—"

"No! Wait! That's it! You're brilliant Matt, GENIUS!! We can make more money with a flop and then I can run away to Russia where none of the loan sharks will ever find me!!"

"Russia?" Matthew's jaw dropped, his brother HAD gone insane, "But you hate Russia, why would you go there?"

"Because," Alfred said pacing back and forth, "No one would look for me there. Now!" He said running over to his brother slinging an arm around his shoulders, "You'll help me right?"

"What?! It would never work!"

"Yes it would!" Alfred laughed, "Oh Matt! I've been blind! I saw this in a movie! It is completely doable! All we have to do is get more money than we spend on the movie. If the movie doesn't sell there's no need to pay off the backers and so we take the extra money and run off to Russia until the heat dies down! It's perfect!"

"No, no. Alfred, first of all it's completely dishonest, and second of all you can't just rip off a scheme you saw in a movie and thirdly... NO!"

"Come on Matt we can do it! Don't you wanna step out from the shadows?—"

"I'm stuck in YOUR shadow!"

"Don't you want to be famous?—"

"I'm a country I don't need to be famous!"

Alfred threw up his hands in frustration, "Damn it Matt, can't you see there's a lot more to you than there is to you!"

"..."

"...Help me out here!"

"No, I'm going now Alfred, please don't call me."

Matthew picked up Kumajiro.

"have a good day," He left the office shutting the door gently behind him.

Alfred stared after his not so long lost brother's retreat. He got down on his knees and put his hands together.

"Lord," He started earnestly, "Oh Lord... I WANT THAT MONEY!!!!!"

LINE

Ummmm... I don't really even know. If you've seen the Producers it probably makes a lot more sense...maybe...

If anyone gets the Manos joke I'll be very surprised...


	2. Yes We Can

For all those that like the musical version, in between chapters I'm doing the songs. However if you don't happen to LIKE musicals, feel free to skip this one and wait for the next chapter when Alfred's prayers are answered and Matt gives in (mostly because of England and France)

to the tune of "We Can Do It" From The Producers

* * *

"No, no. Alfred, first of all it's completely dishonest, and second of all you can't just rip off a scheme you saw in a movie and thirdly... NO!"

"Come on Matt we can do it! Don't you wanna step out from the shadows?—"

"I'm stuck in YOUR shadow!"

"Don't you want to be famous?—"

"I'm a country I don't need to be famous!"

Alfred threw up his hands in frustration, "Damn it Matt, can't you see there's a lot more to you than there is to you! What did Lewis say to Clark when everything looked bleak? What did Eisenhower say when we landed on Omaha Beach? What did Washington say to his troops, as they crossed the Delaware, I'm sure you're well aware!!!!"

Matthew gave him a very confused look, "Uh… no those are great American moments in history, what they say?"

"Yes we can!

"Yes we can!

We can do it, Me and You

Yes we can,

That's the plan!

We can pay off China too!

Think of all the other countries

That wanna dip their fingers in!

Spain and, Iran, England, France and Japan

Shouting at me, doubting me

But we can! Yes we can!!"

Canada quickly backed away grabbing Kumajiro, "No we can't America!" he ran out the door.

America ran after him, "Yes we can!

Yes we can!

Aren't we apart of the Earth?

Yes we can!

Yes we can!

Say good bye to unknown turf

Hi, Producer," Alfred grabbed Matthew's hand as he ran down the street shaking it firmly, Matt tried to struggle away as Alfred continued, "Yes! Producer

I mean you sir! It's a perk!

Yes we can!

Yes we can!

Cause I know it's gonna work!

Whaddya say Matt?"

Matthew finally was able to pull his hand away and he faced Alfred head on, "What do I say?"

Find me a chance to make myself a loser

What do I say?

Giving me opportunity to be the chooser?

What do I say? What do I say?

Here's what I say you hoser!!!

No we can't

No we can't

No we can't, it isn't me,

I'm not well known, I'm not famous, all I have is my dignity!

When it comes to making up schemes,

There's a few things that I lack.

Spain and Iran, England, France and Japan…

Last time I tried to pull something Quebec had an ATTACK!!!!" At this Matthew tightly hugged his bear to his chest trying not to think about it. America grabbed him by the collar shaking him, "Why you miserable little cowardly caterpillar! Don't you want to become a butterfly? Don't you want to spread your wings, and flap your way to glory?!?!??!?!?"

Matthew stared at him for a moment before promptly answering, "NO!!

Alfred can't you think for once? I'm not a dunce, I know I'll take the fall if we get caught you jerk

(Alfred: Yes we can! Yes we can! We can make more than a grand!)

Alfred can't you hear me out, what I'm about, it's crazy and confusing and your plan plain stinks!

(Alfred: Yes we can, yes we can! They'll all know our name and land!)"

Alfred put an arm around his angry brother, "Come on Matty! Don't get catty!

(Matt: We can't do it…)"

"You see Russia I see………………Russia!!!!"

"Yes we can!!"

"No we can't…"

"Yes we can!"

"We cannot cannot cannot cannot do it!"

They both faced each other now, "Cause I know it's gonna work (Fail)"

"Yes we can!" Alfred shouted.

"I know it will (not) work!!!!"

"Alfred! ALFRED!! Are you even listening to me?!"

Alfred blinked suddenly reasoning he wasn't on the street, but back in his own office, "Hmm? Oh yeah," he said snapping back into reality, maybe he should make his movie a musical, musicals suck… fun as they are, "Come on! Help me out here!"

"No, I'm going now Alfred, please don't call me."

Matthew picked up Kumajiro.

"Have a good day," He left the office shutting the door gently behind him.

Alfred stared after his not so long lost brother's retreat. He got down on his knees and put his hands together.

"Lord," He started earnestly, "Oh Lord... I WANT THAT MONEY!!!!!"

* * *

No rotten tomatoes please....


End file.
